Ok, so SW5 is offically over and I was just as miserable this year as I was last year. I thought this year would be different because I wasn't finding little dark corners to cry in because I thought I was pregnant. (All the signs pointed to it too.) I had my book to read, I had my ipod to listen to, I had my camera. You'd think I'd be happy...alas...no.
The reason I was unhappy this year was because Canthor was able to hang out with his friends (which he did...lol more so than with me, but I'm not going to be-grudge him that.) But I was not. Jeriah and I now have a tentitive friendship going again...well, at least we are talking again. However Nai and Gentich want nothing to do with me and will blatently ignore me if I am sitting in the same group they are. (I don't really blame them, but they don't have to be so obvious about ignoring me.)
See, this is how it works, my friends at amtgard include Daenen, Sev, Canthor, Jeriah, Alicia, Dread, Nikki, Pavia and Oldor (their children don't really talk to me, but that's ok.) However, Daenen, Sev, Jeriah and Canthor hang out with Genitch and Nai. So if Genitch and Nai are hanging out with any of my other friends, I am excluded, because they don't want me there. They will blatently ignore me until I go away or they find an oppertunity to leave...taking my friends with them.
Throughout all of SW, this was making me mad. I didn't want to take Canthor away from his friends, because I know he doesn't get to see them very often but I wanted to be able to hang out with my friends too. However, I didn't want to go over there and create an uncomfortable situation with my very presence.
So I stayed away and tried to read my book. But I found myself continuously looking over in their direction (and Canthor's) because I was hoping one of them would come over and ask me if I wanted to sit by them. It never happened. Obviously.
There were times when I got to talk to my friends when Nai and Genitch were not around, but for the majority of SW, I was left to myself. At least last year I had friends I could talk to about what was bothering me, but this year the only person I had to talk to was Canthor and he was off with his friends most of the time.
I need more close friends. Either that or Genitch and Nai need to stop being childish by blatently ignoring me when I am in a group and stop excluding me from my other friends. They may think that they have cause to be mad at me, but I am not sorry for what I wrote to Nai and will not apologize for it because everything that I said was justified. Besides, even if I did apologize they wouldn't stop ignoring me.
I'm quite frustrated at the moment. As I was all weekend. But at least I got time off from work.
